Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My life is pants optional.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize