I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
there is puke in my bra ... again
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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