anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
