last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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