Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
