I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She even gives head with a lisp.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
