I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
