Your face is a jimmy john
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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