i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You left your phone here
Wait...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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