I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
