I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
