If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
