You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
