i already hear my dad disowning me
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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