Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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