some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
