trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
