My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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