Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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