Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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