I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There's always time for handjobs
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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