I accidentally had phone sex last night
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Liz is crying about burritos again.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
