The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's shark week go big or go home
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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