we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
