Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize