Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
