He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
