We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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