If that was your dad, he is hot
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
