even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
