White coat. Heels.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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