Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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