Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize