It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
