walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
