How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
COCAINE IS GR8
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
