Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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