mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
