she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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