did you get engaged???
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
