He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
