Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I will be naked everywhere
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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