pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
