i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
