did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
