I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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