Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's blow job season.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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