maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
