I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
