he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
