People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
