my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
