Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
