Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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