clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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