I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Someone shit on the floor
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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