no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
