these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
