He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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