Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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