Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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