Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
