I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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