Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
