I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
