i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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