They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
