Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize