Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
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