nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Randomize
