i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
