I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
