I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize