I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
